allison jaye

i remember several years before mars hill started, i met the jewish jesus. the jesus who wore a tallit and ate kosher and observed the sabbath and taught people alam abba and urged them with the mitzvoth. i met the jesus who interpreted a particular yoke of the torah. this jesus rescued me from the clairol-miss america sash-white bathrobe jesus who floats and he’s the fifth member of the bee gees. this jewish jesus, this jewish jesus had like flesh and blood, he was accused of partying too hard—i immediately liked him. this jesus was earthy. he had opinions. there were discussions of the day and he took sides. there were liberals in his day and conservatives in his day. there were traditionalists and progressives and he waded into those debates and actually took sides. he was quirky, he was unexpected, he had an odd sort of sense of humour but it was brilliant at the same time. this earthy jesus, in a real time and a real place, it was like the story went from black and white to colour. and his disciples, and all of their sort of stops and starts and the fact that he came from a tradition and informed and he wasn’t just throwing sort of nice zen like things out, but there was a tradition behind him—was like “ahhhh.”

and finding in the catholic jesus a sacramental imagination, a profound respect for the eucharist and what it is that brings us together, an integration of my soul and my heart and my body and nature and a jesus who brought it all together, instead of constantly dividing it apart. not a jesus of components and pieces but a jesus who wove it all together and was fine. was fine. who could take all of me and was fine.

i met the mystic jesus who spoke to something deep in my heart that needs something to rely on and also needs a bit of mystery. that it isn’t just where you’ve arrived but it’s the search and the discovery. a jesus who’s the rock, but also speaks of the wind. and that was like life.

i have been betrayed by close friends. i’ve been stabbed in the back. i’ve been criticized. i’ve been misunderstood. i’ve been let down by institutions. i’ve had people i deeply respect absolutely ruin their lives with destructive choices. i’ve had people set out to ruin my life. i’ve been let down in profound ways. but jesus, the jesus i met in elementary school. the jesus who has grown and expanded—that jesus has never let me down. i’ve been let down by churches, people with power and influence, systems and ideas and movements and trends and fads, but jesus has never let me down. has never let me down. he’s never let me down. he’s never, never let me down.